An Apology to Europe

[Duff]

Good evening
David Duff here, Dan and I will be filming a satirical piece on the current economic climate on Saturday. We’re looking for a few people – extras and bit parts to help get this thing off the ground and finished -hopefully for budget day.

What we are looking for is:
Barista (male or female)
2 tailoress’
plenty of extras!
An actual trad band

We will be filming the biggest scene upstairs in the The Roundy, Saturday afternoon -that’s when we’ll need most of the extra’s.
The idea of the whole thing is to set up a premise for several follow up videos -all to go on youtube and be sent around as virals.

The script is located here:
An apology to the people of europE

Tailor shop interior

Top right corner of screen has €IRE as a logo, which slowly changes throughout the video being rpelaced by €U in the end.

Head-shot, Duff smiling and begins to talk as camera slowly pans out.

David duff

Hello Europe, I’m David Duff, just a regular run of the mill average Irish man. I’m here today on behalf of all the regular men and women of Ireland to give you an apology! I’m sorry Europe!

Camera has moved to a position to take in entire character, we see he is in a tailor shop, in a tuxedo being measured and fit by 2 girls.

All characters

We’re all sorry!

DAVID DUFF

Like many Irish people, I’m a bit down on my luck at the moment. I used to be able to afford designer label suits but ever since I got put on the dole I have to get my suits tailor made. This recession’s hit me hard!

ALL CHARACTERS

It’s hit us all hard!

Camera mover towards Duff for effects shot, the 2 girls are talking as the camera is closing in. Duff is smiling.

Girl 1

Come here to me, I love your new Rolex!

Girl 2

Thanks, I got it to go with my new BMW.

coffee shop interior

Duff is inside a coffee shop ordering a coffee off the barista, his face had the same expression he had in the tailor shop.

BArista

What can I get ya?

DAVID DUFF

Can I have an americano please, with eh skimmed milk and no sugar.

BARISTA (to camera)

We’re sorry!

The barista begins to make the coffee. On top of the counter is a copy of the ‘Fianna Fail Austerity Budget’ It’s covered in coffee stains and looks tattered. While the coffee is being made he picks up the budget and throws it into the bin, this takes place in the background as Duff is talking.

DAVID DUFF

I used to have nothing but lattes, frappachinos and panninis but now ever since this recession happened I can barely afford the price of a cup of coffee.

Barista

That’s €2 please.

Barista gives Duff the coffee, Duff hands the Barista a €50

DAVID DUFF

It’s ok, keep the change, I’m on the Irish dole.

Duff walks out of coffee shop and up a street, the camera is in front of him and he is walking towards it talking.

DAVID DUFF

I know it seems unfair Europe, that you have to bail us out. But we’re ever so grateful for your help. And besides, it’s good to give!

Duff stoops over to put a €50 in a homeless person’s cup, who is in shot whilst Duff is talking and the homeless is reading a book on economics. The homeless person looks at the camera.

HOmeless

We’re really sorry!

Duff smiles at the homeless person, the camera zooms into the cup to reveal it’s half full of €50 notes. As the camera zooms back out, we see the homeless person get up and shed himself of his sleeping bag and hat. It’s Duff. Duff picks up the coffee cup. The camera goes around his shoulders, when it gets to the other shoulder, the cup of money has been replaced by a cup of coffee. Duff walks up near a bin outside a pub. Lifts the coffee cup to his mouth for a sip. On the bottom of the cup, it says, I’m sorry.

David duff

Hmm, it’s empty.

Duff throws the cup towards a bin, which is overflowing with similar coffee cups that say I’m sorry, there is a painting of Bertie Ahern at the bin, a copy of the budget and loads of leaflets of Brian Cowen, Brian Lenihan etc. The camera goes back on Duff as he walks into a bar ‘The Celtic Tiger Lounge’

Pub interior door being opened

The door gets pushed open by Duff’s hand to reveal a pub interior, the camera is from Duff’s point of view. It pans around Duff and goes behind the bar. Inside the pub we see it’s full of life with a trad band in the corner and everyone has pints but all the pints are only half full/half empty.

DAVID DUFF

I can remember a time before all the doom and gloom, a time when pubs like this were busy. But since the recession, times are so tough, almost no-one comes to these places!!!

Duff walks up to a bar and orders a pint. As Duff is talking to the camera, next to him, slightly lower than Duff’s audio is a man orering a pint also. The camera then focuses on the barman and customer for a minute. Duff watches. The man gets his pint.

DAVID DUFF

Thanks to our austere measures Europe, I can promise you. Ireland will be back on track in no time…

Customer

My glass is half empty

Barman

No. Don’t be silly, that’s one of the governments austerity cuts, everyone gets a glass that’s half full.

CUSTOMER

Oh, I’m sorry.

BARMAN

No…(cont)

Both barman and customer turn to camera.

Both Barman and customer

…(cont) We’re sorry!

Barman gives Duff his pint, it’s a half pint, Duff hands the barman a €100 note.

duff (to bar man)

Keep the change I’m on the dole…

DAVID DUFF

So Europe, as you can no doubt tell, we’re all doing out bit over here to try to get out of this economic dip we’re in. So thank you for the bail-out. Here’s to you Europe!…

Duff raises glass to camera.

DAVID DUFF

…(cont) And don’t forget

Everyone in the pub

We’re sorry!!!

Everyone drinks, Duff turns around, starts to hand out money, saying it’s ok keep it, you’re working I’m on the dole though. Font comes up on screen.

Ireland, we’re sorry!

(terms and conditons apply)

A man’s voice comes up and says "Apologetic sentiments may rise as well as fall, all apologies are regulated by the apologetic regulator, who is monitored and funded inconjuntion with the ECB and IMF.

[Author]

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